While You Were Sleeping
by SnowySilver
Summary: A one-shot dealing with Inuyasha’s thoughts toward Kagome one night as he watches her sleep.


Title: While You Were Sleeping  
  
Author: SnowySilver  
  
Summary: A one-shot dealing with Inuyasha's thoughts toward Kagome one night as he watches her sleep.  
  
Disclaimer: Umm.... I can't even manage my school binder, does anyone out there honestly think I'd be able to manage an entire TV show?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I'm hurting you, aren't I?  
  
I don't mean to. Really, I don't. And I'm so sorry that I am, but it's like I can't help it.  
  
I don't like that. I much prefer being in control of these things. But ever since... since everything, I haven't been.  
  
Sometimes I wish you'd never come here. You'd have been so much safer back home with your mom and your brother and that weird old guy. They could keep you from harm better than I can. They wouldn't need to as much, even.  
  
And, they tell you they love you.  
  
I've heard them say it. I was never able to, but they say it all the time. It's weird. Is that how people are like, where you're from? They say stuff like that whenever?  
  
I couldn't live like that. Saying... saying that... it's big. It's this huge thing that I can't do. It'd put me at risk. And you, and that matters more.  
  
Maybe... maybe if I could, you'd feel better. Stop hurting. Because I know how bad I'm hurting you, and I'm so sorry, but I've said that already, haven't I?  
  
But... it's complicated. I have a responsibility, and I can't just let go of that. I know you understand. You always have. You're braver than me, because of that. You know that I have this duty, and you live with that.  
  
No. I'm lying to you. It's not just a duty. It's something more. I don't know what, and it's not anything close to what I feel for you, but it's still there. And it hurts you, and I wish with all my heart it didn't.  
  
I'm such a wuss. I can't even say these things to your face. I can't even SAY them, for crying out loud! Here I am, just staring at you, with the priest and the slayer and everyone else asleep. And I'm thinking these things, and I don't even have the courage to say them out loud, let alone to you. And there you are, so peaceful, saying nonsense words in your sleep that, Kami help me, I find cute.  
  
I never used to find things cute. Pretty, sure. Even beautiful, in one case. But never... cute.  
  
That's just another thing that you've given me. I now think things are cute. And I like to look at things, like the forest and all that. And... I don't hide so much anymore.  
  
I used to be so scared about meeting people, or demons, because the one would scream and be afraid of me and the other would try to kill me for being a halfling. So I made myself strong, and pushed away those I'm bound to by half of my blood, while not bringing the others any closer. I came to hate my human side. Wished I were full demon. Then you came, and now I don't.  
  
I know I don't show that much. Or at all. I still say that I want to be rid of my human side, and that I'll use the Jewel for that purpose. But... now I don't know if I will. You accept me. You're the first person to do that who didn't help create me. Oh, sure, the priest and the slayer don't act any different around me than you do, but that's from your example. You're the best thing that ever happened to me.  
  
And here I am, hurting you. Some reward, huh? I bet you wish sometimes that you'd never come here either, that you never met me. Because, wouldn't it be easier that way? To just go on in life, and not have to worry about being killed by demons or never going back to your time again or... or whether or not I'm with her?  
  
It's my fault you have to wonder these things, at least and especially the last. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I said it before and I'll say it again until maybe I can say it out loud. I'm sorry for hurting you, and I wish I wasn't, but I just don't know what to do! I don't know who to choose, and it's so hard, harder than you could imagine, or maybe not, I don't know, and I don't know whether I should stick to the promise I made and my duty, like my mother always taught me, or if I should forget about her and stick with you, because I...  
  
I...  
  
Heh. Who am I kidding? I can't hide this any more. Not to myself, though I guess I'll try and hide it from the world a while longer.  
  
I love you.  
  
Hear that, Kagome?  
  
...I love you.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Written: Mostly 4/8/04 and 4/11/04  
  
Posted: 4/13/04  
  
A/N: This story is given complete credit to CocaCola43, my beta-reader. The only reason this is up here or was even thought of is because she thought of this title, which sprouted this story. All bow down in awe!!!  
Well, this is my first real trip into a guy's mind, story-wise. What do you think of it? Constructive criticism is, as always, welcome, as are any other thoughts. Please review, and thank you so much for reading this! 


End file.
